Make Up For Lost Time
by trisanamcgraw
Summary: Raoul. Buri. 50 themes. [Nominated for the 2006 Circle of Heroes Awards]


**Make Up For Lost Time**

by Trisana McGraw

**Author's Note:** Wow, it's been years since I've posted fanfiction, and, while this isn't a full-fledged comeback (unfortunately), I couldn't resist borrowing from Lady Silvamord's clever 50-themes idea. The table I used can be found in the user info page for the livejournal community 1sentence, theme Beta. I tried to stick to one sentence, but in many cases I just couldn't. (I'm a bit out of practice. )

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**01: Walking**

When Onua comments on the stiff way she's walking, Buri attributes it to an injury she sustained over Midwinter and turns her face to the cold wind to hide her blush.

**02: Breaking**

Buri's heart broke outside Raoul's door twenty years ago, and his kiss at Midwinter nearly splits it again.

**03: Whiskey and Rum**

Decades after that first night, the sour odor still makes her unwell as she recalls brutal kisses that made her head spin with nausea rather than desire.

**04: Wonder**

She figured that he didn't remember anything, but the gravity with which he stared at her when he announced to his friends, "I've been sober for a month," made her wonder otherwise.

**05: Natural**

When he changes the angle of his thrusts just so (she digs her nails into the back of his neck – _Chavibeblessed,thatfeelsso,ohh_--) and slips a hand between their bodies to stroke that certain spot so that she bucks desperately against him (he marks her neck with his teeth – _Goddess,ohrightthereohyesdon'tyoudarestoppleasedon't_--) and her body tightens in anticipation (she clenches around him, making him groan and move even faster, if such a thing is possible – _Raoul,ohgodsRaoul,I'm,I'm--_), she realizes distantly that there are some things he hasn't forgotten.

**06: Sarcasm**

Raoul presses a kiss to Buri's bare shoulder and then lifts his head to grin down at her as he smoothes back her sweaty hair; it amuses him that even lying down, he towers over her. "You're trembling, darling." (So is he.) "Was it too much for you?" (It nearly was.)

**07: Question**

"What's on your mind?" Buri asks at breakfast in the Rider barracks several hours after Joren's parents burst into their rooms. After several beats, Raoul admits, "Some obscene thoughts, about us," enjoying it when her eyes widen.

She turns the tables on him by instantly becoming crafty; her eyes glitter, and her smile is positively wicked. "Care to share them?"

**08: Sordid**

She had thought that no one saw her leaving Raoul's rooms, but before she has returned to her rooms from breakfast, murmurings containing both of their names reach her ears. Some chit from Sebila's party spread the information, she's sure, but she doesn't allow herself to worry too much about it, although she does regret somewhat that stallion comment.

**09. Sojourn**

Buri becomes so spoiled from waking up with a warm, firm chest against her back and gentle breath against her hair that the more frequent mornings in which the Own is called out find her even more out of sorts, a fact that is not lost on her subordinates.

**10: Nowhere**

Kel nods absently at Flyndan's comment that if they can't find a man the size of a palace wall, the Scanrans will surely demolish them in no time as she walks around the edge of the Own's camp.

As she pushes aside a large branch, she hears what sounds like ten twigs snapping at once; she enters the clearing to see Raoul leaning, with forced casualness, against a tree; Buri is standing two feet away with her hands shoved into her pockets.

Raoul laughs ruefully. "Oh, Kel, it's only you. Gave me a scare, youngster."

"You'll want to make sure that the Scanrans don't know your weakness, or else they may employ bunnies or some such horror," Buri teases, closing the distance between them again. Raoul slides an arm around her while still looking at Kel.

She bites her lip to keep from grinning. "Flyndan is looking for you," she informs her knight-master, turning to go back to the camp.

Raoul mutters something about Flyndan going and --, but he trails off as Buri kisses him – presumably; Kel doesn't stick around to watch.

Flyndan strides up to her as she comes out of the woods. "So, did you find him?" he demands.

It takes no effort to keep her face as smooth as a pond as she replies, "He's nowhere to be seen, milord." Only when she has passed the man does she allow herself a small smile.

**11: Jousting**

Buri is just settling into her blessedly steaming bath when she hears her door scrape open.

"The Scanrans had better be crossing the border, Larse," she warns without opening her eyes.

"You allow your second-in-command into your bathchamber?" comes the slow, good-natured voice. "Is this a matter that I should take to the jousting field?"

Buri grins up at Raoul but doesn't leave the warmth of the tub. "Perhaps, but the poor man will have no idea _why_ – or, for that matter, what to do."

**12: Jester**

They are first discovered when Evin _does_ come to review a strategy. In two heartbeats, he is out of the tent, doubled over with laughter but trying to flee the blue streak of curses that Buri hurls at him about bothering commanders. He catches his breath enough to remark that finally he understands the meaning of Queen's _Riders_.

**13: Share**

One of the first things that they have to come to terms with about their relationship is that there is no way that both of them can fit into one tightly-woven Rider bedroll.

**14: Quirks**

Kel cannot help but smile a little as she sees Buri's tired face in the morning, so she hands the older woman a cup of freshly brewed tea, which Buri accepts with wordless thanks; they sit outside the tent, wrapped in warm blankets, as the oblivious knight continues to snore.

**15: Jump**

Raoul had thought the dog asleep when he and Buri stumbled into his quarters after the Midwinter party, but just a glance into those too-intelligent eyes makes him redden slightly.

**16: Just**

As Raoul watches Buri search the tent for her shirt, he blurts out, "I don't want us to just hop in and out of each others' beds."

The way she regards him is like a wild animal warily evaluating the hunter, and he's afraid that he said it wrong. "And what is it that you want me to be?"

"I don't want you to _be_ anything," he responds, realizing how controlling he sounded. "I just want us to have more than sex bringing us back together after months of traveling – stories to tell, concerns about each other's lives . . ." He trails off as he realizes how much of a dolt he is being; these are all qualities that they already have.

Her expression softens, something that has become less of a rarity. "Raoul, we do have more than sex, so much more." She even smiles. "I think that I can do that." Several moments of silence pass before she adds, as she is pulling on her shirt, "Do you want me to have your tent cleaned and a hot meal ready for you, too, upon your return?" Her black eyes are glinting with good humor, he's relieved to see.

He grins, glad to play along. "Well, if you want to do something useful," he drawls, "then yes."

"I'll show you something useful," she retorts, pulling him into a passionate kiss that leaves him panting and aching for more. He reaches for her, but she smirks and evades his grasp, blowing him a kiss as she slips out of his tent.

**17: Wishes**

Raoul opens the flap of Buri's tent and steps outside, to be greeted by a chorus of cheers and whistles from the men of the Own and the men and women of Seventeenth; wondering what all the noise is, Buri steps outside, stops upon seeing the audience, and then turns to Raoul and promptly begins to pummel him, even as he laughs and protests that he had nothing to do with the well-wishers.

**18: Birthday**

Raoul grumbles anew about stiff joints and wrinkles and senility, but Buri mollifies him with a kiss and the assurance, "You may be an old man in the practice ring" – he rolls his eyes at her – "but not in bed" – and here are good wrinkles, signaling a smile.

**19: Whimsy**

Picking up one of Thayet's gowns, Buri finds herself glancing twice at a dress in green and gold, though she isn't sure what it's doing folded in Lalasa's basket.

**20: Quiet**

Buri has barely enough time to register the lump in the hangings before she is pulled behind the curtain and kissed firmly; they giggle breathlessly like young lovers trying to evade discovery.

**21: Burning**

Raoul doesn't know which expression, lit by the Beltane embers, is more beautiful: Buri's merriment or Jon's utter astonishment.

**22: Blessing**

Jonathan doesn't understand why they didn't want his blessing.

"You never told me!" he accuses, and Raoul, unflustered, replies, "You never asked."

**23: Bias**

He gets his revenge by assigning Buri's Seventeenth to border patrol while keeping Third Company in Corus an extra three nights for additional parties; Raoul decides that frogs would be too good for his liege's bed.

**24: Balcony**

The young men assigned to extra latrine duty admirably keep up their singing from the previous night; the Knight Commander simply grins and shakes his head as they greet him with cries of "Raoul, Raoul, wherefore art thou Raoul?"

**25: Smirk**

Flyndan looks apprehensive; his eyes dart around the room before meeting Raoul's, and even then it's several moments before he speaks. "Raoul, I . . ."

Raoul knows immediately. "Yes, Flyn."

Flyndan continues, stumbling slightly over the words, "Well, I've been hearing from some people a few things, about you and Buri –"

"Yes, Flyn," Raoul repeats patiently, beginning to smirk.

"And I was curious, so I'm wondering, is it true that –"

"How many times do I have to tell you, Flyndan? The answer is yes."

**26: War**

No one can ignore the approaching conflict with the Scanrans, but it is still a jolt when the king, his face grown increasingly haggard over the past few months, informs his trusted advisers and commanders of the official declaration of war; underneath the table, Raoul squeezes Buri's hand.

**27: Breathing**

He would have thought that she didn't hear him whisper "I love you" – it was dark, and she was lying on her side, her face turned toward the pillow – if he hadn't heard the slight hitch in her breathing.

**28: Nuance**

It is not lost on Raoul that the first time he sees the queen since he and Buri became lovers, she studies him for several extra moments, as if reevaluating him, before giving him the warmest smile he has ever seen her wear.

**29: Balloon**

Raoul chuckles and informs her that she would resemble a balloon when she explains to him the K'mir tradition of carrying the young on the back while traveling, yet he can't help but smile to himself at the idea of her carrying a child and wonder whether its black hair would be curly or straight.

**30: Jewel**

Although she had the enjoyment of witnessing it firsthand, Buri laughs anew upon hearing Raoul's retelling of the giantess whose affection he captured. "And what made you decide to break the poor lass's heart?" she asks.

He chuckles. "To be truthful, I'd rather be the one in the relationship with the height advantage." To illustrate his point, he pulls her into his arms and tucks her head under his chin; laughing, she tries to extricate herself.

**31: Quarrel**

Dom (rather wisely) advises Raoul, on behalf of all the men, that if they have to have their sleep interrupted by loud noises coming from the Knight Commander's tent, they may as well be good ones.

**32: Sorrow**

The rational part of her scolds Buri for being foolish, but the fact remains that it feels strange to walk into Raoul's tent for the first time in three days. When she turns around from replacing the tent flap, he is staring at her. His pen is poised over his desk in the same spot where the bottle of alcohol had stood, and his visage, half-masked by the flickering candlelight, is inscrutable. She feels her stomach twist uncomfortably upon recalling the fury in that handsome face.

"I'm sorry," she finally manages, her voice barely above a whisper. She clears her throat, but he has already stood. She rushes on, afraid of what he will say or do, "I should have trusted you –"

He cuts her off by embracing her swiftly. Buri presses her cheek against his chest, feeling his heart beating even through his layers of clothing, and is surprised that some moisture seeps out of her closed eyelids. His voice is rough as he responds, "I'm sorry that I ever gave you reason not to."

**33: Worry**

is too mild a word for the heat and shakes that flood her body after the heart-stopping moment in which she realizes that Raoul's latest letter is in unfamiliar handwriting. It is not until that she reads Kel's note that Raoul had been shot in the shoulder and couldn't write that Buri slumps against a tree and releases in a huge huff the breath she didn't know she had been holding.

**34: Near**

The arrow struck Raoul in his left shoulder, between his collarbone and heart, Buri discovers as they undress a few nights later, after Third Company has again set up camp with Seventeenth. The scar is ugly, but he is all right, yet she can't suppress the chill that snakes through her body at the realization that this time danger struck the closest it ever has.

**35: Neutral**

Raoul awakens to something brushing against his new scar; although her fingers are calloused, Buri's touch is gentle. It's her intent expression that's unreadable, and that bothers him. Before he can speak she kisses him heatedly; he takes her into his arms and makes love to her like he did during Midwinter almost two years ago.

**36: Stupidity**

He is drifting to sleep when he feels her shudder against him, not with pleasure but with small, quiet sobs. "You idiot," she whispers, but he doesn't know which one of them she's condemning.

**37: Belief**

The short postscript in Thayet's letter reads, _Do you still think people in love are boring?_

**38: Serenade**

Raoul's arms and a heavy blanket wrapped around her, with the only sounds the crackle and hiss of the dying fire and the lively chirps of crickets, give her occasional, rare, blessed peace.

**39: Waste(land)**

"Time's wasting, Goldenlake," Sarge teases. "When are you going to make an honest woman of our Buri?"

Buri smacks Sarge, but a look at Raoul reveals to her that his face holds the same uncertain hope that it did the second time he kissed her outside his door.

**40: Solitary**

Buri doesn't know when it happened, but she can't get out of her head the image of Raoul standing in the entrance of her tent, framed by the dying light of the day, and it seems only natural to envision him standing in the doorway of a room – _their_ room, in _their_ home.

**41: Horizon**

Raoul studies Buri's figure, wrapped in a blanket emblazoned with the Goldenlake crest, her hair hanging down her back, for a few moments before getting out of the bed, padding across the floor to her, and wrapping her in his arms. She leans back against him and is silent for several moments before nodding toward the large body of water beyond the window, tinted a deep gold from the sunrise. "I should have known that when they named the fief Goldenlake, they were being literal," she quips; he laughs and turns her face to his for a good-morning kiss.

**42: Soliloquy **

The only thing that keeps Alanna from laughing at the sight of the huge knight pacing in front of the half-awake Jump is her desire to figure out what Raoul is up to.

". . . that I love her," he is saying, "that I've always loved her, even when we were younglings. Gods, but I was so stupid then; I hope that she'll accept me now. Well, there's no reason that she shouldn't . . . unless it's too late. Mithros, Raoul, why didn't you take your chance while you were young and dashing?"

"I'm afraid that even youth wouldn't have helped your case," Alanna teases, entering the room and bending down to greet Jump, who has perked up. Startled, her friend spins around; his cheeks are the reddest she's ever seen them. He smiles nervously at her, which she returns as she hugs him tightly, feeling as excited as a . . . well, as a silly court maiden who has just learned that one of her closest friends is finally getting married.

**43: Quitting**

"I don't want to force this on you," he says earnestly, and she doesn't miss a beat in retorting, "You're not."

**44: Bane**

Buri would never have thought that she would end up entrusting her Riders to the lanky, smart-mouthed Player trainee who flouted her orders, did not once (outside of fights, that is) ever act appropriately, and took the opportunity at Pirate's Swoop to fill her saddlebags with seaweed . . . why _was_ she making Larse Commander, anyway?

**45: Valiant**

"Don't do something stupid and valiant," she half-warns, half-pleads hours before they go into battle.

He smiles, albeit grimly, and cups her chin in his large hand. "As long as you don't."

**46: Waltz**

The simple sight of Raoul of Goldenlake leading Buriram Tourakom onto the floor as the minstrels start up a slow, sweet waltz has the amazing power to forever halt the schemes of mothers countrywide to make one of their daughters Lady of Goldenlake.

**47: Virtuous**

There is not a shred of maidenly purity in her mischievous black eyes, but damned if Raoul does not get Buri to invoke all of the K'mir gods at night.

**48: Weddings**

The greatest irony in Raoul's life will be not that it took him twenty years to find his wife in his best friend, but that he would find himself immersed in planning of not only his own, but another's, wedding.

**49: Victory**

He runs his fingers over the diminutive but powerful charm before gathering the even greater gift, its former wearer, into his arms. She is no longer just his lover but his wife and, now, perhaps the mother of his children.

**50: Defeat**

Raoul is not sad to see his famed bachelordom come to an end; rather, the only question is to which upstanding young man he should pass the torch. (He and Buri have decided that by now Domitan is a lost cause.)


End file.
